no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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