I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
