so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
