Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
