He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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