Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
