I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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