There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I understand Curling. That high.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
