Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
