and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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