Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
