Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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