hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
