I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
