ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
