Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
