she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize