Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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