She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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