Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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