Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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