Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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