Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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