you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
