Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
