True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
