Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
