The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize