The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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