We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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