Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
