careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
