well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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