3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
