Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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