I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
