i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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