I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
