Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
