what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm sobbing to NWA
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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