I'm eating all of the evidence.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
