I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
FUCK WHALES
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
