He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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