I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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