I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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