I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
