24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
