I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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