I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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