i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
