We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
bring money and cleavage
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
