The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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