Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
