soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
