omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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