did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dick very happy bro
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
