Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
