He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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