Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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