i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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