Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
