If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
