She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
