She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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