Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
