HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
