So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
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What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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