We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
