K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
