youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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