I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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