There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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