and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
