I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
