I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
