Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Randomize
