dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
