he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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