Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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