He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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