So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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