just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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