my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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