I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
