you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
