can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
