someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
